I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
