How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize