I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
