We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
