Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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