Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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