I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
