that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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