Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize