I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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