As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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