I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
