Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
