I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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