I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I hope mine doesn't look like that
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
