I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
