Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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