Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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