I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
