The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
