my mouth tastes like poor choices
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
