my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
