I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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