you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Randomize
