ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
