I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
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