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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
