And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
