so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
