I can't breathe out the right side of my face
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
