is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
