all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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