she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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