So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
