New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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