i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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