There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
