You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Your penis caused this!
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
