you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
