Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I FOUND THE LEGS
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
