i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
