That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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