The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize