I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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