I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
