so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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