New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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