nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
this just has baby written all over it
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
