Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
