I must be too annoying 4 u.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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