She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
