And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
