Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize