When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
