dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
