Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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