she smelled like a LAN party
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
