Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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