You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
