I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
