I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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