meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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