life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
