woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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