OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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