The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
