We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
