well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize