he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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