No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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