if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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