I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
