I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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