More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
