I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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