'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
