I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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