Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
