You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
