Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize