honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Are we still banned from the library?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
