Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
