I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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