Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
