if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I haven't been this sober since birth.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
