sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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