There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
