I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
