the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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