im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
