apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
