Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
i've created a new STD.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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