i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
