Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
